I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
