It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
