I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
