my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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