dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
