The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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