I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
