I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
