does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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