it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
