did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
