i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
