hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
