I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
