So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
