why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
