The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
