Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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