You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
