I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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