ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
