I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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