to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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