halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
