we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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