Your tits are I can't wait for
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
