Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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