...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
