Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
