At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
