i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
