I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
