I puked a lego.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
