I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
