i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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