i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
