I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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