just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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