i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
