Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
