Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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