I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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