We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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