Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
