oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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