I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
