So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
