Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
ok first of all what the fuck
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
