we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
