You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
