coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
